Wed 24 Dec 2008 to 31 Dec 2008
I am supposed to be happy this year end...well 'supposedly' isn't 'what really happened" for me.
Reason 1: I am stressed from my studies. People are enjoying their hols but here I am, studying and doing tutorials. My friends told me: don't worry, there is still time before prelims and exams. I know myself well..i need to work much harder than the rest to get what i aim for.
Reason 2: I have suppressed my passion for dance to concentrate on my studies. However, it ain't working. I feel so restricted...
Reason 3: I received a major blow about some issue. What I wished for came true but not in the way that I wanted or anticipated. When I was about to rev up my engine for studies, this answer came and 'dragged me down into the choppy seas' again.
That very day, that piece of knowledge startled me, in fact gave me a faint feeling that my world seemed to come to an end. I was upset yet i still had a calm composure. But I was worried about the fragility of that calm composure. I worried that i can't control my emotions and decided to just hide in my room till i get better. All of a sudden, appointments that I agreed to go made me don't wanna attend anymore. All I want is to stay in my room and be alone. I don't want people to bother me. A slightest action may make me crumble and dissolved into tears.
I want to get over it asap..don't wanna let it affect my studies.
As i keep running through the things in my mind, it kept telling me 'impossible' impossible' .
Since the fact is being laid out like that, no matter what, i have to let it go....accept it.
Dear sky...is this really what you want to tell me after all these years? I still have no conclusion.
I just couldn't entirely let go...my heart tells me so.
If this is really the end...by right..the signals should have ceased.
Now, it hasn't. I don't know when it will ever stop..perhaps never?
Both of our lives have been entwined though we may not know that and not that i want it to be entwined. I want to separate that. Unfortunately, it is not within my means to change that.
I have been thinking of possible reasons/conclusions as to this. But each one unlikely than the next one.
Certainly an enigma~
When will I be able to solve this enigmatic puzzle?
To be continued..the story has not end yet...something tells me so.
