♥A Love Affair

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Finish zee exams with regret

Haha, this is one of my favourite members of my 2nd favourite band: shinhwa. finally can upload this picture. Oh hoho. Admire him a lot cos he was with a dance group before coming to form part of Shinhwa. and he's C-O-O-L!!!!!!! Aiya, all shinhwa members are cool too. they are all great people. keez

Let's say my feelings now. I am feeling empty now, nothing on how i feel and wat i think. My brain and heart are terribly empty. So when u ask me qns about myself or watever, i mostly would not say anything cos i really not know wat i feel, wat i am thinking and all that. Really, i am just like an empty shell at the moment. Yah, so i admit that i am a kind of boring person.

Just now watching a programme on CNA about superkids. One part was saying that it is good to develop a talent at a young age. The maximum age is 18 to develop it. If not, it will be too late. Hmm, i really really want to have professional dance background, training and performing. This is my biggest wants! I heard from my friend that overseas have more prospective of having such programme. Japan for example, oooh if got korea, that would be great. Haha.

I want one of my dreams (and that is this) to come true. I worry it is too late. Somemore, i am not a flexible kind. I ain't got good looks and definitely not thin at all. I just got my passion. My planning is to go to hai die yin yue to learn and perform. I got a secret dream. Haha, but cannot say. If not, ppl will laugh their heads off. The sad thing is it is totally impossible especially in this country. Sigh, heart breaking into a million zillion pieces.

A lot of ppl commonly love to say this: "ifonly...., if only...." So now, i am going to say mine. Since young, i really wanted to learn ballet. Unfortunately, my parents found that it is not useful so i got to learn music- electronic organ. Why this, cos this is an unique instrument to play compared to piano. I guess that since young, i already know wat i want bah. If life is without dance, wah i guess i will suffocate. If only, i got some concrete dance background.....

Come to think of it, i have learnt dance of certain forms for the past 8 years. Pri 5 and 6- chinese dance cca. Secondary no dance cca but there is compulsory folk dancing and i hated it. Now, j1 dance hiphop. Hiphop is my favourite of all and somemore got to listen to great songs like SHINHWA. hoho.

writtern @6:27 PM

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Back from malaysia days ago....
Quite a lot of things to say kind of..

Firstly before i go to malaysia, genting, it was the start of nightmares. The first "episode" of the nightmares got me waking up and finding that i have been keeping biting my lips real hard until it bleeds. In the nightmares, there were few parts which consisted of my relatives, sec school friends and a lunatic. I was running away from my relatives and the lunatic. I just happened to meet sec school friends in a strange place in my nightmares. As days gone by, i couldn't keep track of wat happened in nightmares because it went so fast, making me can't keep control of all that. When i woke up, i kind of forgotten wat really happen in those nightmares that i had. hope that my nightmares will stop.

I was not really that excited on going to Genting. Why? Cos i have outgrown that excitement thing when i was a child. Haha, the funny thing is my uncle still has that excitement up to the extent that he was too excited and skip sleeping. I was wondering how is he going to endure the long driving hours up to Genting.

On the first day. Firstly, we have to wake up around 5am to get to Turf club for the meetup because we are going under the chinese press group programme. This is the 2nd time that i have been there. We have to wait for a very long time before finally start on the journey to Malaysia. I was very fascinated by long endless sights of plantations. I think one of the most outstanding things to note is that we had to keep on paying tolls. So troublesome.

Outstanding things i remember when i was there
1. endless sights of plantations/ greenery
2. keep on paying tolls
3. seldom stopping for traffic lights
4. many highways of high speed, the maximum i saw was 140
5. vehicles do not really have good exhaust systems, kept on emitting really black smoke
6. such big pieces of land that i started to envy them
they can be able to afford "wasting" or enlarging land usage
7. a lot of signs that i couldn't understand

lazy to write for the timebeing...will be continued

writtern @11:06 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Kind of miserable holidays

Holidays are meant to be catching up with studies, playing and relaxing and not having a worry or care. However, guess wat, the just coming block tests is arriving soon straight after june holidays. I guess the word "break" is just a nice name to call "catching up". I remember one of the school teachers say that holidays are meant for teachers to relax and not for students. Hah, so are students robots? Busy writing notes and preparing for studies. hope i can make it for every single subject.

Busy watching "stairway to heaven". I can't bear to watch the last 2 cds of that drama series. Because it makes me cry really hard and continously. I hate it when people die. My comments of the series is that it is a lovely romance story but if minus the dying part, just live happily ever after. I will be most happy. My favourite characters of the show is the father, daughter, stepbrother, childhood friend and his mother. The father is just so kind and gentle and love his daughter very much. I am so touched. The girl is so nice to everyone, just like a real princess. Poor thing, she got bullied but the father believed the stepmom and the stepsis instead. Finally, everyone understands that she is the victim. Somemore, she is a kind soul that sacrifices her happiness for something that she won't want others to suffer for her. Her stepbrother is a very touching person too, always take care of her and even die for her , just to let her survive. So brave of him. What a great brother! How i wish no one will die in this series because it breaks my heart and too heart wrenching. The childhood friend is so sweet, can see the love in his eyes for her. Wow, heeehee, how i wish i can have such a nice bf...heez. No matter wat happens, he will stay with her. So so sweet. I am so touched. Luckily, the mother realised that actually the girl is the good one. I just love it when good always triumph over evil.

Wah, man. I don't mind being the girl.Hee. But i dont' want any accident or deaths or i die in the end. Such a lovely lovely story. Especially the part when they are young.Heez.

Just wondering, if u suddenly come across an ancient person who has been suddenly in your own world and u both like each other. and at that time, there is something to make u travel to that ancient world where he lives. Will u go there permanently or stay in your own world?

I miss my cca. i want to learn more.

I feel like playing whole day long. But reality pulls me back, gotta study. Somemore, my bro is busying hogging the computer so i couldn't play sims 2. oh man, i wish i got the sims 2 university expansion pack. Heez.

Feel so "tired". Not really physically but mentally and emotionally. I try my hard to be "strong", but i couldn't do it when certain situations happen. Why...? i feel like a door mat again, taken for granted. AAAHHH...don't know loh, i just feel tha way.

writtern @2:05 PM

Friday, June 10, 2005

happy..sha la la la...

today is my bro's bday!!!!
today is the last day of official school!!
today my cousin comes to play!!!!

so happy, with 3 good new news. But, there is always a but. Aiya, told u my days are always filled with happy and sad. Since when have i ever had a really extreme happy day? no way. that is just too bad...

But....

I smell unjustice after school. Feel so fed up with things around me- certain issue. To say the truth or not? say truth and got blamed instead. Sad. Sure, things love to be just like double-edged sword. No matter which way u do, will still end up being blamed/hurt or watever. Sorry ah, i am just that kind who gets upset over things that causes some conflict to happen. i love peace. hate it when there are conflicts or people who are in trouble..

hmmm, i think once u start getting off balance, u will be off- balanced all the way. Just how i feel. if i were in her shoes, i really will cry out. Being the victim is not a good thing to feel. somemore, i feel that certain type of people are definitely unsympathetic. sigh.

Sigh, i expect my latest maths test to have full marks de. In the end, a just pass grade. Aiyo, mistaken reciprocal graph as square root graph. the rest are just plain careless. i didn't really focus on the details of drawing. got myself to blame. my confidence level lower down again.

writtern @10:00 PM

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Oh gosh...

just that i had actually type 2 paragraphs of entry and when i want to save it, it became offline. in the end, the whole thing was lost. sigh..all thanks to my bro, keep on fumbling with internet, now cannot do wireless net connection.so i have to rewrite everything. i think ihave somehow forgotten wat i intended to write.

The good news is that i got a A in maths ca!! haha, feel so confident in maths now. thanks to my hard work doing tutorials and tys to the best of my ability and every question i got answer leh.. don't know, i ask. i am not trying to do my mistake again, that is piling up all questions and not clearing that huge pile. Compared to my last year, this is a super great improvement, from mostly Fs to As. Haha, feel so proud of myself. Finally, i do not need to worry for my maths that much.

however, there is something that upsets my happy mood.i hate maths lecture test, not the content of the test, but wat happen after the test. "walls have eyes" . next time should recommend teacher a suggestion. hate it, reminds me of last year's project. everyone involved was fuming mad.

econs econs econs. i thought i was managing well. but i am bad at drq and essays. i kept on misunderstood the questions. wat has gone into me? and "snowman disappear liao", "xue ren bu jian liao", wat will happen for econs? Bounce back, bounce back.

hmmm, nowadays, i kept on not talking to certain people. I don't know why i do that. i feel distance starts increasing. am i ashamed? i also not sure.

so fast not being cheerful any more. tell u that happy things are short-lived.

today i rushed back home and wanting to see my baby cousin. but too bad, he couldn't come. sad. miss him, the way he walks and talks.heehee

rabbit--> bobbit

writtern @10:52 PM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Sickk....i started to get flu..hah..got it from my brother..so unlucky...spent time teaching him how to do maths and in the end, get flu for being too close to him. "gong is always gong". he didn't really focus, makes me repeating myself.

Me ah, i was busy doing maths and econs. Hmm, geography in the meantime not need to really hand up anything so focus on others. Realised that i have spend a lot of time doing just one single task. I hate it, how i wish i can finish as fast as i can just like in sec school.

Finally, yesterday, gave friend bday present. yah, she loved it. Haha. Me have good taste. Spend time walking the whole of jurong point and managed to find a good one. Somemore, it is the only one left.

i was aimlessly finding personalities tests...so yah here's the results....

You are soooo LOVABLE!

Waaah! You're so LOVABLE! Everybody likes you,
because you're a great person to have around
and it's always happy about everything ^^.
congrats! and...can I hug you?? plz! ^///^

Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Type is
ISFJ
Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
78 1 50 33

ISFJ type description by D.Keirsey
ISFJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

* very expressed introvert
* slightly expressed sensing personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* moderately expressed judging personality

The Portrait of the Protector Guardian (iSfJ)

RATIONAL
ARTISAN

IDEALIST
GUARDIAN
Copyrighted © 1996-2004 Prometheus Nemesis Book Company
Take the Keirsey Sorter!

The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here “service” means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider’s concern), as guarding others against life’s pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security. There is a large proportion of Protectors in the population, perhaps as much as ten percent. And a good thing, because they are steadfast in their protecting, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can insure the safekeeping of those in their family, their circle of friends, or their place of business.

Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They go about their task of caretaking modestly, unassumingly, and because of this their efforts are not sometimes fully appreciated. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Providers, except with close friends and relatives. With these they can chat tirelessly about the ups and downs in their lives, moving (like all the Guardians) from topic to topic as they talk over their everyday concerns. However, their shyness with strangers is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth these Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

Their quietness ought really to be seen as an expression, not of coldness, but of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. Like all the Guardians, Protectorss have a highly developed puritan work ethic, which tells them that work is good, and that play must be earned-if indulged in at all. The least hedonic of all types, Protectors are willing to work long, long hours doing all the thankless jobs the other types seem content to ignore. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for Protectors. When they undertake a task, they will complete it if at all humanly possible; and they know the value of material resources and abhor the squandering or misuse of these resources. Protectors are quite content to work alone; indeed, they may experience some discomfort when placed in positions of authority, and may try to do everything themselves rather than insist that others do their jobs.

With their extraordinary commitment to security, and with their unusual talent for executing routines, Protectors do well in many careers that have to do with conservation: curators, private secretaries, librarians, middle-managers, police officers, and especially general medical practitioners. To be sure, the hospital is a natural haven for them; it is home to the family doctor, preserver of life and limb, and to the registered nurse, or licensed practical nurse, truly the angels of mercy. The insurance industry is also a good fit for Protectors. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies—these are important actions to Protectors, who as insurance agents want to see their clients in good hands, sheltered and protected.

[Mother Teresa][J. P. Morgan][Tsar Nicholas II][President [George HW Bush][Jimmy Stewart]

The actor Jimmy Stewart and Mother Teresa are examples of Protector Guardian style.

Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

Profile: ISFJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 26 Feb 2005

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.

Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt
Introverted Sensing

As for ISTJs, the dominant Si is oriented toward the world of forms, essences, generics. Again, "for both of the IS_J types, the sense of propriety comes from the clear definition of these internal forms. ... A 'proper' chair has four legs," etc. (Jung saw IS as something of an oxymoron: sensing, which is a perceiving function, focused inward and thus away from that which is perceived (the "object"). In this light, he described this sensing as something removed from reality, full of archetypes/mythical figures/hobgoblins; sensing of one's own set of forms.)
Extraverted Feeling

A kind of "regression toward the mean" provided by the Fe auxiliary function serves to socialize the expression of these forms. I suppose it's the auxiliary nature of this Feeling, coupled with the balancing effect of {detachment from the internal idiosyncratic view of free-floating data perceptions} that makes ISFJs tentative, conservative, and reticent to boldly state the rights and wrongs in the relational world. (Loosely translated, ISFJs like to keep their perceptions to themselves, and aren't sure enough that what they "see" as Introverted Sensors has any relevance to the outside world. Thus the perception, based on unworldly data, may not be true. The obedient Extraverted Feeling function must therefore refrain from strong statements expressing these opinions.)
Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is turned inward and is largely invisible. It is only with great difficulty, if at all, that the ISFJ could willingly commit anyone to their doom. Perhaps this explains why ISFJs are loyal to the end; there is no sense of purely objective (i.e., impersonal) judgement of anyone but themselves (and that only by their own standards). Here is this type's achilles heel that makes many of them so vulnerable to the scoundrels and ne'er-do-wells who often use and abuse them.
Extraverted iNtuition

ISFJs are easily undone by Extraverted iNtuition, their inferior function. Believing in the fantastic, and disbelieving the technologically extant, are errors that my guide the gullible (or unfoundedly sceptical) ISFJ off a precipice of mis-conclusion. (One of our co-workers' mothers adamantly refused to believe that Dave Letterman's mom was actually at the olympics in Norway talking with the athletes and handing out hams! She suspected technological trickery.)

This childlike Ne is, however, the likely source (coupled with fun-loving Extraverted Feeling) of the practical joking, punning and (usually harmless) impishness of some ISFJs.

writtern @8:25 PM

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Just tell me or reassure me..that i have done the right thing??

writtern @8:09 PM

Hello, recently not in a good mood. But i could not pin point wat causes me to be like that. Yesterday, spend hours fa dai-ing in school and didn't feel like going home. Hmmm, wat causes me to feel this way? Again, i feel suddenly getting distant from people who i know. My friend asked me whether is it i got mood swings. mAYBE NOT.She told me that better not sink into depression. I don't think this year i will become that again. Another friend told me not to care about others but myself. I think i too nosey in that i think about others and care for them.

Aiya, i not know lah. i don't know wat actions should i take. Now i have to really ponder hard on my actions cause every action determines certain thing.

Just yesterday, i bought 50 cents album for my brother and shinhwa best hits collection for myself. Feel so happy that i finally got wat i want. Love their music. Love their dances. I want to learn...

I recently watched stairway to heaven. They are so sweet and the guy is so steadfast in his love..can see it in his eyes. Oh man, i would love to be that girl. But haha, i not like the sad ending, i don't want to die of cancer in the end and be further away from the one i love forever. I love fairy tales though they don't exist in real life. But i love seeing people being happily ever after. No sad endings. Don't make me cry so much. Later, i blind. Then i won't enjoy the scenery in life.

Nowadays, i suddenly got this pain in my knee. It is really so painful, feel like i got electricity running there. What causes this problem? I hope i didnt injure my knee. Yesterday night, i suddenly wake up because of that pain. For so many times. My mother says that this happen because i drink too much cold water.

writtern @10:53 AM