At the jc level, everyone is worried about the two major exams -promos and the actual A-level exams. But compared to sec school exams, the extent of getting worried is so great that it probably doubles or triples or even up to the point of matter of life and death. Yeah, definitely for me.
I know of other schools now having promos at the moment and we are having it after other schools are relaxing. Hmm, it is kinda good in that we have more time to study. If i am having promos now, i think i will mostly probably be kicked out. And of course, i don't want it to happen. This is a matter of life and death for me.
When i got the notice that i retained during last year, i was beyond shock. What did i do wrong? Why couldn't i go up? Somemore, i had to break the news to my parents and my relatives. I think they have always be so disappointed in me and i am just this hicupp among the other cousins in that i am the only with such lously results. I just can't achieve anything great. I am incapable of doing so. Wish i was never born. Just sitting down there and absorbing the shock was so horrible and i broke into tears. I miss the friends that i have been with last year because i couldn't go up with them. Actually, before we get to see the promos results, the night before, i already had a dream that i actually got promoted. I was so happy when i woke up but then i felt that something was going to be so so wrong.
Yup, i have already such dreams before the actual revealing of exam results and it tends to be the opposite. So i kinda know what will happen few hours earlier. Last year's dream was the first one which showed happy results. In the past, PSLE, O-levels, i got dreams that i had lously grades of Ds, Es, Fs and L1R5 of 30 plus. It was so horrible. Luckily, i have As and Bs and L1R5 of 19. If such dreams are true..then oh-oh....i think they are going to disown me...
Hmm..this year, my dream came early this year..i think around the first half of the year. I dreamt that i was going to recieve my results and this unknown teacher started telling me a whole long story about the results. Then i kept on thinking why the teacher couldn't just show me the results. And it suddenly dawned on me that i am going to be kicked out. That's why the teacher kept on beating around the bush. So i started to shout hysterically and that was the end of the dream. Why? Why did the dream come to me so early this year? What does it want to tell me? Want to tell me that i gonna work harder to make it? Want to say i will definitely promote? I think only these two years, it didn't follow the same procedure as in the dreams coming to me just the night before the examination results.
But but i am happier now. Yeah!! Last year, i feel i will never be happy again and i guess i also need a long time to get used to jc life. People around me are friendlier, funny and can easily talk to them. Can't believe that i make quite a lot of friends. And an addition to close friends from the 5 day workshops. But i still miss my jc2 friends. Heez. Especially the cca friends. Never mind, i still get to take part in the cca. If i am in jc2, i won't get to learn watever they are learning this year. It is such a pity.
Even if people still tell me not to worry and that i can surely get promoted, but i am still not convinced and not assured that i will make it. I shouldn't believe on such assumptions because i have already learnt my lesson from it. And that is, not to assume that everything can be smooth sail. Last minute can't bring of much help. Must do consistent work and really do the best one can. Probably should aim to near perfection. Keep on practicing work.
If it is that easy to think that last minute, u become so hardworking and you can surely make it, then i would have be promoted last year. So better be safe than sorry.
There shouldn't be hardly any time to go out and have fun. For me, i set my own rules in that during school year, i wil not go out. If i do, i will feel guilty and queasy. I got this perception that if i do such a thing, it will just upsets the delicate equilibrium of having good results. Yah, seems that my life is of monotonus routine. But what can i do? I shouldn't give up good results for having fun. I am trying to set my priorities right because i feel that i have responsibility to be good in studies. If not, i will really be the black sheep of the family. My parents are already ashamed of me being retained. I am always the one who didn't bring happiness to my parents. The oldest and yet the lousiest. Seriously hate myself for that.
